You already know who won....but do you know what they wore?! I truly love award shows, mostly I love to see what the stars show up in for their big night and the CMAs are NEVER disappointing. It's the only "Red Carpet" where you'll see fringe, sequins, cowboy boots and belt buckles the size of Kanye's ego (and usually all on the same person)
The show WAS hilarious and entertaining and I was pleased to see Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood return to their hosting duties! I'm always happy to see Carrie host because it means we'll get to see at least eleventeen costume changes from her, ALWAYS including a ballgown that you are sure is steadily increasing in size as it feeds off of applause.. NOM!! Just as a reminder, here's her gown from last time:
OH yeah! So, comparitively, her bountiful ballgown THIS year seems almost tame.
You dear, sweet American Girl..that is a LOT of purple! Very shiny, pretty sparkly purple... like those fake frosted grapes that I always end up trying to eat. Why do they tempt me with their facade of deliciousness!!!? (they don't taste good at all I tell you)
I seem to have gotten ahead of myself...
Now where was I...
OH yes. Before Carrie could ever take the stage to poke fun at Tiger and sing about BP, she had to walk the black carpet...
I was staring at Carrie Un...I mean Fischer's dress trying to navigate how it made me feel and I found myself being sucked into that swirly-gig protruding from her pelvis. It's all dark and sparkly like the night sky if Martha Stewart decided to wrangle the Milky Way into a twisted tulle confection (AND YOU KNOW she could!)
I am suddenly fearful that all those roses I tried desperately to keep alive this summer will come back for vengence, creep up my torso and eventually cut off my screams in a perfumed swath of terror! It doesn't sound so crazy as that is OBVIOUSLY what has happened to Carrie here.That and some seriously uncomfortable looking Renaissance era boob squashing. I'm not saying it's not "cute" but there was only room at the awards for one person to be going through the terrible tutu's and THAT was Sugarland's Jennifer Nettles..
Now, in Jennifers defense, the tutu WAS an optical illusion of sorts and she just kinda stepped out from behind it to do a perfect rendition of her and Kristian Bush's hit "Stuck Like Glue". She performed in white pants and that sparkly top for the rest of the song but the "life-sized doll" thing she did at the beginning STUCK with me. (eeeh? eeeh?!!) But, seriously, I've seen Childs Play too many times for me to not get creeped out by it.
Speaking of living dolls...
Kellie. Honey. If your mom hasn't said it to you yet, I'm gonna. You are a very pretty girl. Stop messing with your face or you won't look like you anymore. I also feel that a Golden Globes reference wouldn't be out of place but we're keepin it classy here!
.....so put em away.
OOh, and here we have another gilded blonde, Sandra Lee!
Those of you that watch Food Network will recognize her immediately and will also know that her cooking show includes a recipe that, no joke, calls for you to BUY 3 cakes at the store and STACK THEM ON TOP OF EACH OTHER. LOL!
I can't even focus on her dress right now. I'm too busy watching this video on a loop..
Ha! I know this girl has GOT to be..
And I'm not saying she doesn't look fabulous in her dress because she does! If most of us tried to pull off a this side-splitting number, we might spill out the sides like warm, rising, bread dough. But she is no ordinary woman! She did something that makes me want to cuddle with my rainbow chip can of frosting...she went on a macrobiotic diet. I think the little food flakes that you sprinkle in your aquariums are the only thing you're allowed to eat...
A) Would you look at that! Gotta say I didn't even know she could play the guitar so her strumming AND singing has me duly impressed.
Either way, she helped close the CMA Awards with the single from her new movie "Country Strong".
B)Vince Gill! VINCE GILL!!! How I have missed you! Hows your mama n 'em?!
C) Can someone go get me more frosting?....
Ok, I guess I'll have to go to the store myself.
But, I DID just realize that I have nothing but dewey complected blondes in the blog today so let's sign off with Loretta Lynn! She swept onto the stage in a dress that was billowy and sparkly enough to make Glenda the Good Witch green with envy. She, Miranda Lambert and Sheryl Crow celebrated her 50 years in the business with a harmonic version of "Coal Miners Daughter".
I can't WAIT for the next awards show...